Celebrity Jeopardy with Hannah Montana
by jsprosa
Summary: Celebrity Jeopardy! Alex Trebek must deal with the shenanigans of Hannah Montana, her chief rival in the music world, and a certain governor from Alaska. The game is taken to new lows with a lot of laughs.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of the characters depicted in this story. (Please read and review this work afterwards)**

**Celebrity Jeopardy with Hannah Montana**

_Location: Sony Pictures Studios, Hollywood, CA_

_Characters: Alex Trebek, Hannah Montana, Mikayla, Sarah Palin_

(Jeopardy theme music starts)

Alex Trebek: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. I would rather be at home having dinner with my family than presiding over this lame and stupid circus. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Teen singing sensation Hannah Montana, who has a movie premiering soon, is in the lead with negative 500. Get a couple of more questions right and you'll be back in positive territory.

(audience applauds)

Hannah Montana: Oh yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Alex, I want to tell you what an honor it is to finally be on your show! I'd like to add that all my winnings will go to my favorite charity which deals with hunger relief. I can't wait to start Double Jeopardy! Hooray!

Trebek: Fantastic. I'm sure your fans will be appreciative. In second place, with negative 10,000, is Mikayla. Apparently, Miss Mikayla has sent her score plummeting rock-bottom due to the fact that she has been buzzing in and throwing insults at Hannah Montana instead of answering the questions.

(audience boos)

Mikayla: Hannah's voice is stinchy, her music is stupid, and she is just plain awful! Ugh, makes me want to throw up!

Hannah: Oh grow up, Mikayla!

Mikayla: No you grow up!

Trebek: All right, we'll leave it at that. And finally, in last place with negative 50,000, we have - ahem - Alaska governor Sarah Palin. Some of you may know her from her rather unsuccessful bid for the vice presidency.

(audience cheers and whistles; Palin smiles and winks)

Sarah Palin: Well, first of all, I want to say that it took a 'mavericky' decision on my part to come onto Celebrity Jeopardy! And it was a good decision I made, because look at the audience! It's comprised of hockey moms and Joe six-packs like we have up in Alaska. I feel so honored to be representing middle America on a nationally televised game show, and gosh darn it, I'm going to win me some money!

Trebek (bewildered): Governor Palin, I want to remind you once more that you are playing this tournament for charity, and not to use this stage like a campaign forum.

Palin: Actually, Alex, I'm here because I'm tryin' to raise cash so I can run for reelection!

Trebek: Somebody end this show right now. Let's take a look at the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are: Potent Potables, Connect the Dot, Chronicles of Narnia, Golf Balls, Mice Named Mickey, DeLoreans, Swimming Holes, and finally, Kiddie Sports. Hannah Montana, since you're in the lead, you have control of the board.

(Mikayla rings in)

Mikayla: Alex, that's totally unfair. I should have control of the board!

Hannah: Please, girl, I'm leading you by a lot, so it's my board! Ha ha!

(Palin rings in)

Trebek: What is it now, Governor Palin?

Palin: Alex, did I ever tell you that I can see Russia from my house? The country is a great neighbor for my very large state. We Alaskans and Russians live in relative harmony, but, you know, we also have to look out for each other if one of us is threatened by a major conflict. Unfortunately the liberal elite media doesn't understand that!

Trebek (frustrated): Are you Republican or retarded? Hannah, just pick a category so we can get on with this!

Hannah: Sure, sure Alex. I'll take that DeLorean category for 800.

Trebek: Great selection. The answer is: The DMC-12 sports car was made by this company.

(Mikayla rings in)

Mikayla: I'm a better singer than Hannah and I deserve better recognition than the kind I'm currently getting!

Hannah: No you're not, and you know it! You only have one hit single and I have like, what, 100?

Mikayla: Soon, miss Hannah, soon!

Trebek: Once again, Mikayla, you have failed to answer a simple question! Anyone else?

(Palin rings in)

Trebek (under his breath): God help us.

Palin: You know, the American economy does need help and we are going through some real tough times. When I was on the GOP presidential ticket, my running mate and I presented a good, solid plan to help out economically-depressed regions of the country. We have got to come up with something that will ensure a good future for all Americans, whether young or old!

Trebek: For the last time, you are on a game show, not the campaign trail!

(Time-up buzzer sounds)

Trebek: And all three of you ladies did not come up with the correct answer, which was, of course, DeLorean. The DMC-12 was its only model. Hannah Montana, it's still your board.

Hannah: Thanks Alex! How about we go with Mice Named Mickey for 400?

(Daily Double sound plays)

Trebek: This one is a Visual Daily Double. Look at the picture we are about to show you, and ring in when you think of the correct response.

(A picture of Mickey Mouse is displayed on the screen, and Mikayla rings in)

Mikayla: That picture reminds me of someone named Hannah Montana!

Hannah: Oh, give it a rest, Mikayla! You'll always be second-rate in my book!

Trebek: Wrong answer, and Mikayla, you obviously stink at Jeopardy! Governor Palin, if you don't know it, don't even ring in.

(Palin rings in)

Trebek (angered): Why did you do that when I told you not to?

Palin: Because I want to give a message to the American people: What you see is what you're getting, and gosh darn it, I'll have to work my tush off if I'm going to regain your trust! You know, I really don't have it easy, me being in public service and what-not, but with a lot of love and a lot of hard work, you're going to help me go to the White House!

Hannah: Well-said, Governor Palin. I kinda like you!

Palin: I've been noticing, Ms. Montana, you're a little maverick yourself, aren't you? Maybe you'd like to perform at my Seattle fundraiser next week? How about it?

Trebek: How about we end this round right now and go straight to Final Jeopardy? The category is: You know what, it doesn't matter to me anymore. Just write anything! (Final Jeopardy "think music" begins to play) Anything - anything and you win. It could be a story about your life, it could be your daily schedule, I really don't care. Write something that is comprehensible and legible - I doubt you could mess this up. (The two bass drum beats signal time is up) And now, let's see how you managed to mess it up. Mikayla, you wrote: "I hate Hannah Montana." Frankly, I knew that you were going to write something like that.

Mikayla: Well, Hannah's going to get a taste of her own medicine the next time we do a charity concert together!

Trebek: I'm sure she is. Hannah Montana, our leader - and maverick, as Governor Palin calls you - wrote: "I'm still the better singer, Mikayla, and I own the Billboard Top 100!" You are truly a maverick, Ms. Montana.

Hannah: Well, thanks Alex!

Mikayla (to Hannah): Has-been!

Hannah: Never-was!

Mikayla: Bottle blonde!

Hannah: Lip-syncher!

Trebek: Let's leave those two to bicker among themselves. Finally, we come to Governor Sarah Palin, who was obviously more interested in campaigning than playing the game. She wrote: "Now, therefore, I, Sarah Palin, Governor of the State of Alaska, do hereby proclaim April 26 Hannah Montana Day in the entire state, to be celebrated from Anchorage to Fort Yukon." Governor, you used this podium to serve as your mobile office? I don't believe this.

Palin: I'm Sarah Palin, and gosh darn it, I approved this message because I need your votes in the next election!

Trebek: Spoken like a true politician. That's it for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm Alex Trebek, and I'm finally going home to have a quiet dinner with my family. Good-bye forever! (Walks off stage)

(Cue to Jeopardy theme music - Hannah Montana and Mikayla remain on stage arguing and shouting, while Palin walks over to the audience, shakes hands and poses for pictures)


End file.
